Heart falling into pieces

When I was young, U were my biggest source of happiness and reliance. I understood that U love me alot not only through relatives that keep saying that to me with whatever tone, but its also through your actions. The way U put me in the important place in your heart, the way U hold me tight, the way U hug me, the way U cheer me up, the way U protect me. And so even at a very young age, I love U as much as U love me, and i respect and try to compromise everything U want or think its the right thing to do. I could still remember there was this incident, whereby aunty asked me whether I wanna get an ice-cream from the ice-cream cart. And before I answer anything, my first instinct was to look at U, wondering will U let me to get it. Just because I respect U, I wanna know is it okay to eat ice-cream from the ice-cream cart as I know that U don't like me to get from the ice-cream cart.

Years passed, and the relationship changed a little. Not sure whether U ever noticed even though I mentioned it to U before. I grew up a lil, but so does your expectations on me. U always said that I could not do well in this and that. And that I am too dependent. Until when U heard praises of me from outsiders. I once felt so far away from your heart, driven away by some anonymous mysterious power I would never figured out. But then again, as i grew up, I thought maybe that's just because U love me, thus U hope that I can become better and better everyday. And so I try very hard to improve myself every single day, well almost.  I opened up my heart for criticism just to learn my weaknesses and improve it. I try to face problems and solve it instead of my usual way of running from it and forgetting it after cries and hiding under my blanket. I want U to be proud of me one day, I want U to understand my love. I always wish that U could look at me through the eyes of my friends' parents, and U will know how much your lil girl have grown up and how I've turned into.

Bad things happened, which I had put in effort to change it before it's too late. But my efforts were to no avail. And it's like the whole world was blaming me due to misunderstandings, and U chose to trust me. Since then, we got closer than ever. I know that U suffered as much as I do. So I told myself that U are the most important part of me. When U are down, I know I need to do something for U, and so I comfort U, explain things to U, cheer U up, and remind U that I'm still at your side, forever. 

I thought U have changed, I thought U finally could really understand how much I love U. I know I am not good in telling my love to U, but I prove it through my actions, and at least my plans for my future. I keep reminding myself of how much have U sacrifice for me and how much love have U supplied to me. I put U as my priority in my future plans. I want to earn money, this is realistic. But that's because I want to make sure I am able to return your love as much as I could by ensuring U being able to enjoy your life after spending so much efforts on me. I know U love travelling so I wanna make sure U get to travel wherever U want and enjoy your life however U want. And of course, I would wanna love U forever. But, U just couldn't understand my plans, refusing to understand it's all for U. Everyone has a dream, so do I. I am no ordinary girl that U want, I want to be different, doing the things that I love and experiencing the difference in the world, but I am too busy in being the good girl in your mind. So i buried my dream, considering your feeling in every decision, and chose a safer career pathway because i couldn't risk it, Its too important for me to achieve my aim. But getting misunderstood by U is totally heartbreaking. U have no idea how hurt am I. Its not because I am a weak lil girl, its because U are too important for me. I just felt disappointed.

No one falls in love by choice, its by CHANCE. And no one falls out of love by chance, its CHOICE. -Anon 

Its not even a chance to love U, its fate. And i chose not to don't love U.