what is love?

Gosh this is so meaningful, it is a whole new level of love. This is the kind of interpretation that I have been searching for. The moment I read this, I know this is it, this is love. This article definitely applies to more than marriage, it's probably for everyone, you're single, in a relationship or married. Because even if it's not you, there is someone you know in a relationship that you could possibly help them out one day.

Marriage Isn’t For You

Kim and I
Kim and I
Having been married only a year and a half, I’ve recently come to the conclusion that marriage isn’t for me.
Now before you start making assumptions, keep reading.
I met my wife in high school when we were 15 years old. We were friends for ten years until…until we decided no longer wanted to be just friends. :) I strongly recommend that best friends fall in love. Good times will be had by all.
Nevertheless, falling in love with my best friend did not prevent me from having certain fears and anxieties about getting married. The nearer Kim and I approached the decision to marry, the more I was filled with a paralyzing fear. Was I ready? Was I making the right choice? Was Kim the right person to marry? Would she make me happy?
Then, one fateful night, I shared these thoughts and concerns with my dad.
Perhaps each of us have moments in our lives when it feels like time slows down or the air becomes still and everything around us seems to draw in, marking that moment as one we will never forget.
My dad giving his response to my concerns was such a moment for me. With a knowing smile he said, “Seth, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.”
It was in that very moment that I knew that Kim was the right person to marry. I realized that I wanted to make her happy; to see her smile every day, to make her laugh every day. I wanted to be a part of her family, and my family wanted her to be a part of ours. And thinking back on all the times I had seen her play with my nieces, I knew that she was the one with whom I wanted to build our own family.
My father’s advice was both shocking and revelatory. It went against the grain of today’s “Walmart philosophy”, which is if it doesn’t make you happy, you can take it back and get a new one.
No, a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can I give?
Some time ago, my wife showed me what it means to love selflessly. For many months, my heart had been hardening with a mixture of fear and resentment. Then, after the pressure had built up to where neither of us could stand it, emotions erupted. I was callous. I was selfish.
But instead of matching my selfishness, Kim did something beyond wonderful—she showed an outpouring of love. Laying aside all of the pain and aguish I had caused her, she lovingly took me in her arms and soothed my soul.
Marriage is about family.
I realized that I had forgotten my dad’s advice. While Kim’s side of the marriage had been to love me, my side of the marriage had become all about me. This awful realization brought me to tears, and I promised my wife that I would try to be better.
To all who are reading this article—married, almost married, single, or even the sworn bachelor or bachelorette—I want you to know that marriage isn’t for you. No true relationship of love is for you. Love is about the person you love.
And, paradoxically, the more you truly love that person, the more love you receive. And not just from your significant other, but from their friends and their family and thousands of others you never would have met had your love remained self-centered.
Truly, love and marriage isn’t for you. It’s for others.
This post originally appeared on ForwardWalking.com, a website dedicated to helping people move forward in life. 

Coming home

Finally my future is starting to reveal abit more. So I am gonna embark on my first full-time job at KL in March. Next on will be quittng my currrent part time jobs here, packing my 4 years worth of luggages, and settling accommodation in KL.

It drives me a little nervous how it will be like working in such a huge company. I've always have this mindset that it is really hard to get in this particular company, couldn't believe that I'm entering it very soon! Wonder how the company's culture will be like. I hope it will be an enjoyable and fulfilling career there.

Today when I was buying some baking ingredients at Woolworths, an aunty came to me asking if I speak Mandarin and if I could help her out. She was pushing a baby pram (her grandson) and looking at the pans and woks. And she said, her daughter only has a pan in her house that it is so inconvenient to cook dishes and even to cook some noodle for the kid. But the daughter didn't seemed to bother to buy more pans or woks just to save money. As she was telling me all these, one could just sense how much she loves her daughter. She ended up buying a wok and a mini pot for her daughter.

Stumbled across these images below from facebook today and it reminded me of the reality. Even though we already know all these, but it's good to be reminded once in awhile, as we could be carried away by our life too.


what makes you afraid?

At least now I know what I'm really afraid of.
I'm afraid of losing people.
Not ordinary friend.
A best friend.
A soulmate.
A person I hold so closely to my heart.

I do not know that if I work hard enough, it will be fine.
I do not know how far could I go down this route.
I do not know how much I could sacrifice.

I'm scared.
I'm devastated by the possibility of losing you.
I'm weakened by the existent of this possibility.

Wake me up when September ends

September ended, infact it's already mid october. Fourth year here in Australia, second year in Melbourne. Definitely not a short period of time, but has it been long enough?

Since 2 years ago, I have been facing the the options of my life, unfortunately it is a choice not entirely on my hand. There are other factors to take into consideration, factors that are realistic and consuming me. I am bad at this, very bad at making decision that affects others, even by remote.

For sure that I have learnt alot and I'm happy with my exposure. But I know deep in my heart that I haven't got the best I could. I didn't give it all to experience everything. I held back too much in the past, but I've grown out of it. I've finally started my dreams in baking and coffee to actions. It is pretty late that I just got started few months ago. But my passion has doubled, if not tripled since then. I am madly in love with what I am doing right now.

A call from family about household situation always stir up my emotions. The fact that I need to be more independent, take up more responsibility and being the eldest in this family don't help at all. It makes me worry about my family. It confuses my rational mind. It forces my heart to weigh family factors heavily  in each of my actions, especially this one, one that determine my future.

Looks like I'm heading home, soon, very soon indeed.

I need to make full use of my time from now on. With all I can, with all my time and energy.