Family trip aka bro's birthday trip

I bet this is the best birthday present ever. Waking up to find your self arriving in an  overseas country, literally, since they arrived in the early morning. Lucky little brother! A crazy week ahead. We were in 3 states in Australia within 1 week- Melbourne, Tasmania, and Sydney.

He had two birthday celebrations on his 19th birthday. Once at Koko Black with dad, boyf and I. Brownie as birthday cake, considering we will be away two days later. But quite special right, love the ambience too. We were lucky as we were sited upstairs, having more privacy away from passers-by. We has the platter to share as we were quite full, but it ensure my bro and dad could try most of the desserts offered by Koko Black. Also, the ice chocolate is a must for chocolate lover. The waitress is kind enough to help me up with surprising my bro, appreciate her effort!

Second celebration at home with Elaine and Yiann, with humongous macaroons from LuxBite. These two are rasperry flavoured and chocolatey. Apart from these, they have some really special flavours for their macaroons, such as kaya, pandan, kopiko.

One of the exciting parts of the trip to me is travelling to Tasmania. Haven't been there before and have always heard good comments about it. Well, it is really picturesque, but really, nothing much apart from the scenery. More suitable if you are a total scenery person, and it's best to do road trip throughout Tasmania, eg driving from Hobart to surroundings then to Launceston. But of course, like anyone would've expected, the seafood is seriously irresistible.

Had our brunch on the first day at Ginger Brown cafe located right out of the CBD. Their baked eggs is highly recommended in UrbanSpoon. Gave it a go and man it is really awesome. The base is a mixture of mashed white cauliflower and potato with cheese, and also a big slice of salmon in it. Something really different from baked eggs I usually had which normally got paired up with tomatoes flavour. No doubt for the freshness of salmon!

One of the best seafood dinner I've had is this one, at Drunken Admiral. The freshness! I'm drooling over it again as I'm typing. Initially we ordered two mains to share, which are sizzling platter consisting skewers of fish, scallops and prawns with bowl of chips and salmon fillet with tomatoes, anchovies and potatoes. However, we added the special of the day in the end, the crayfish, which just caught on the day itself. Damn everything super yummy! Plus, we get to have a bowl of salad from the salad bar with every main ordered.

We only had 2 days at Hobart, so we went on a day trip to Port Arthur, with stopping by Richmond with Adventure Island Tour.  The whole Port Arthur was a prison site with extremely low chance of escaping. In fact. Port Arthur was one of the prison with the most strict rules on discipline in Australia. There's even school and church to educate and change the prisoner to be a better man. However, the prisoners there were mostly not serious offender like a murderer, they were mostly convicted due to stealing. Fun fact, about 70% of the current residents in Tasmania are descendent of convicts.

Still insisting on tasting Tassie's seafood, we had fish and chip for our second dinner there. The fish basket at The Mures consists of the battered fish, crumbed fish, scallops, prawns, squids and chips. Cheap and very good value.

After having some fun in Melbourne and Tasmania, we flew over to Sydney. Apart from the signature architecture of Opera House and Harbour Bridge, we are more excited to enjoy the awesome meal offered by Hurricane's Grill.  We ordered a whole BBQ chicken on top of the must pork rib. Both were so so yummy. I have been going back for the ribs every single time I'm back to Sydney. It's heavenly and not to be missed. The pork ribs is the best, but I didn't like the beef ribs, the meat was just too hard.

Opted to enjoy some great scenery Blue Mountain got to offer, but it was really foggy that day, with some showers throughout the day. Luckily we could still captured Three Sisters or else it'll be such a waste. Plus the beautiful autumn scenery along the Leura Village. 

Not forgetting to stop by The Rocks, one of my favourite area in Sydney. Love how it still keeps its vintage charm despite being located just beside the hustle and bustle of Sydney CBD.

Lastly, had our last brunch at Lowenbrau. We ordered a platter to share amongst us, thinking that we could have a variety of choices to share, including sausages, chicken schnitzels and meat loafs. But we didn't like it. The sausages and the pork knuckle are still quite good but not others. It's better off to just order the pork knuckle by itself.

It was a great getaway, being away with my family as a plus point. It was a break of my everyday part time and an escape before facing the challenges ahead. And now, I gotta reflect, once again, of what is laying in front of me, and what I could do with it.

Oh Hai again

Great! I've been ditching my diary blog for so many months now!

Ever since I was back in Malaysia actually. And now I'm back to Aus, hoping for a better future. Which is exactly the time that I have more thoughts.

During the two and a half month back in Malaysia, what happened?! To me, there's seriously just two things that happen, grandpa fell sick out of no reason, and then grandma got stroke. Well, of course I had other things going on life a spontaneous trip with dad to Krabi, short trip with le bf and xiu bao to penang, and of course Chinese New Year celebration with family and friends. But I missed out on travelling around Malaysia, especially Johor and Langkawi. All these got brushed off due to my responsibility of being a granddaughter.

So grandpa was so weak the first two weeks I was back, then grandma got stroke, sent to ICU, stayed for 2 weeks, got transferred to normal ward and stay for further 2 weeks. Grandpa somehow amazingly recovered, perhaps due to better nutrition intake. Grandma has always been a relatively negative person as far as I know. Thus, I have been at her side almost every single day since she got hospitalised. As much as I care and love her, it got really tiring at times. It would be better if it's normal sickness. But whole left side of her body can't respond, can't move. She can't sit up, she can't flip body, can't get down of bed. We have to flip her when she doesn't feel comfortable sleeping with her sleeping posture. And also because to avoid her skin got damped and thus initiate rotting. She sleeps alot in hospital, which is not a very good thing as she's not moving at all most of the time. We would exercise and massage her hand and leg. After she got dehospitalised, she's sleeping lesser but she's even more emotional, often crying for very minor incidents.

Because of stroke attack, her mind got affected as well. She's way more emotional, way more negative, way more sensitive. Apart of taking care of her body, we have to cheer her up mentally too, show her more love so that she thinks positively and hopefully help her in recovering process.At least now she's back home, safe and sound. Now that I'm back to Aus, I can't do much. But I wish she understand my hope for her, to cheer up and trust in herself to recover.

My grandparents wearing new tops I got for them for Chinese New Year. Ahh we're so matching in red!

Life back here is always exciting, not totally in a happy way, but I guess that's how life is. There's always the great and enjoyable part yet there'll always be something of uncertain nature that create a negative part.  Really really glad that le bf is staying in the same city as me now. Now that he's here, we could meet as often as we wish. I've almost forgotten how great is the feeling that I know for sure he could be physically by my side whenever I need him. And also great time spent with housemates. Gosh after two and a half months! It still feel so awesome spending time doing random things or having some facing-reality chat with the girls. I'm feeling so lucky and grateful now, just with these three important person with me here, to face my challenges. One of the biggest challenges, job hunting. All I can do is just to continue to search and search until a company appreciates what I could offer. Some people say its timing, some people say it's luck. No matter what it is, I hope it's coming soon.

Dear God, please pull me through it.

30th of Oct, 2012

今天， 婆婆去世了。
知道她病了，没办法立刻回去，但也提早了该回去的日期，没想到还是来不及了。
刚接到消息时，虽是有点惊吓到，但还蛮冷静。但现在真的很悲伤，似乎现在才接受这事实。

It's striking me now, it's hurting me now. I thought I could be better as I've already know about her sickness, but really, it's too soon. I'm almost gonna fly back, why now?!

How we used to celebrate every chinese new years staying at hotels in Penang, waiting for dinner night to ask for "ang pau", how we used to go to her hotel room before check out to chit chat, how we used to go visit her at her house in BM, how we visit her when she stayed overnight at uncle's house in Alor Star. All these won't be the same anymore. She's like the leader, the pillar of our huge family. It's not gonna be the same anymore. She has always been the most patient grandma, the most knowledgable one giving advises to her children, the most elegant and classy grandma ever.

Grandma has had a great life when she's alive, I pray that she is having an even better life in heaven.

And this sad news is making me to reflect on my the other pair of grandparents whom I am even closer with, and also grandma of my mom's side. I can't even think of anything now. I just can't. They're not young either. Sadly, I know the fact, I know what's coming between us. They're growing old, I'm growing up. It just means we have lesser and lesser time to spend together.

People, please cherish your family!

how insensitive

I feel so bad, why oh why am I being so insensitive! I always know that you adore uni life, the overseas student life, and of course it\'s definitely something you have been looking forward to, an official graduation ceremony! And yet I took it so lightly when you talked to me about it! Ah! I bet you have been hoping for this dream to come true for a very long period of time. This is something, no not something, a meaningful, very meaningful event for you. Plus the fact that you\'re attending as a parent. I don\'t know how it feels, but it must be a very special emotion. I hope that you are happy that I made it, and we are attending it together. Thinking of you, no words can describe how glad I am, making it to this point. I hope I have made you proud. I love you, dad.

Graduated. What's next?

so now that I've graduated, what's next?

I personally think that my future is gonna be as typical as most of my relatives. Finished secondary school, go to college, then university, work overseas for few year then come back Malaysia, or just migrate overseas. Things apparently not that typical anymore since something important in my life changes. I started to feel more concern of my family, I started to realize that things change, so should I. Even though I noticed that things change, I still haven't really adapt to it fully back then. It's after 2 years since then that I actually started to accept the facts and felt that I have to make changes to my plan as well. Yet, I still thought that I will be tough enough to stay overseas permanently. I am still resisting on making the changes. I thought things are great it's a wise choice for me since my dad says he doesn't mind to travel around.

And now, I'm already been out for 4 years from my hometown, from my family and friends. I've seen quite a fair bit of people, things, and environments. I'm not that particularly insisting on my future plan anymore. I am willing to male changes now, more open minded, tend to look for more opportunities available. There are some conflicts going on in me. I miss Malaysia, I miss my home, my family and friends, the food, but not the government, not the public transport! In Adelaide, I've got equal rights, good public transport, good education, good government, good welfare but I miss people back home. Human really never get satisfied! I'm in no rush to decide on this, I have given myself at least next year to really decide on it, or rather try my best to fit into changes and see how will my small decisions in next year lead me to. You will never know what's waiting for you! Anticipate the great fun ahead!

Had a great talk few days ago with an aunty, which is my travel agent back in Adelaide. I've got some really practical advice from her. apparently she came Australia ALONE for her partner, which is her husband now. She came leaving all her families and friends and also her career back home. It was a tough choice but the husband is such an awesome guy for her that make her feel that it's all worth it. And now, she's considering to go back to her families and friends after she retires. People might say she's silly as she is having such an easy and good life here. But hey, after all, families and friends are still the most important. People might not understand this now, but I bet one day you will agree. I told her about my worries and she said : have fun in your life, do what you think you should do, and enjoy the process, eventhough it might be quite bitter at times. and also don't stressed up yourself. haha it's true, I always want to do better, as a daughter, as a sister, as a friend.

I still have plan for my future, it is some kind of motivation for me. and yet I will learn to take a step at a time so that I am not pressuring myself . Life is quite simple after all, as long as I am happy with myself.

holding on my faith

I am still holding my faith in you, not withdrawing it out at all. Growing up is what everyone needs to experience. Yet everyone grows up in so many different ways, thus learning by so many different incidents. I guess this is a small turning point in your life, where you are growing, hopefully growing up to be a better person than you already are in our hearts. I know for now, you won't understand a thing that I've said to you, probably you are laughing at me for emphasizing so much on family ties, for improving ourselves as children rather than being angry and dissatisfied with parents. Not only that it's easier to achieve, we can communicate better with parents, we also contribute alot to a happy family, especially to one like ours. We love you, more than what you think, even though you won't agree, but that is the fact, a fact that will never get wiped off, forever. I hope that you will learn,  and hopefully God did not set a pathway that is too harsh for you to get through, and I am taking the challenge believing you will be a great person afterall. 

Pink 21st

I'm now officially a lady, a 21 years old lady. Wow its already that long 0.0 21 years! And judging by the years that passed, my life has been really well, some small hurdles, a big rock on my pathway, but hey, that's all. Apart from all those, I really enjoyed my life to the maximum. 

From a naughty and super stubborn little girl, I am now grown up, being able to improve myself. I am still learning, to be a better daughter, a better sister, a better person. I appreciate everyone that entered my life, whether you are still staying here with me, or have left me. At least you were part of my life. Every single thing in my life is important, or else I would not be who I am now. 

Daddy, I know you have been having a hard time all this while. I understand, I really do. You are the greatest dad in the world. No matter what had happened, I love you, like how you love me.

Mum, thanks for raising me. I might not be the child that's easy to raise up, but I know you raised me up well, teaching me lots of knowledge. 

Bro, still remember we always argue over small stuffs since young. And we even fought before lol. Oh well that's how we "communicate" when we were young. I know things weren't easy for you too, but I'm always here for you. I hope that you will grow up being an independent, tough, and thankful person.

All friends of mine, thanks for everything, every single thing that you have done for me, that you have spoken to me. You all are my power to be strong. Friends that are far away from me, I miss you all, all the time. I wish you all well. And I will see you all soon. Friends that are here with me in this foreign land, thanks for everything, all the fun and all the surprises. Most importantly, all the love!

Look at all the love !!!

Now you know why is it called pink 21st. Pink table cloth, pink plates, pink cups, pink spoons, pink knifes, and pink serviettes!!! SO PINK! but I like hehe =P

and all the cola related candy 0.0 & mystery gift

Tiffany & Co, and flowers <3 <3 <3

All the photos above were taken from the celebration for the first night. Yeap they celebrated for me for two nights =) The second night, we went to eat steamboat at Ming's Steamboat at Morphett street. Its actually really yummy! They have 3 sauces, one that's salty, and then the middle one is peanut sauce, and then dried chilli sauce. But only the chilli one is nice, no joke.

Cake cutting session after steamboat =D One of my favourite - Tiramisu

我现在好想回家去

For those that are currently away from home, whether its for studying or working, please be aware that this song will touch the bottom of your heart and could just make your tears roll down...

虽然一直都在坚强地面对人生，独立地到外求学。
朋友面对困境时，还头头是道地给予劝说与鼓励。
其实，在碰上绊脚石时，依然脆弱地哭泣。
无助地任由家人和朋友的影子放肆地在脑海里盘旋。
不是不愿倾诉，而是不知如何言语。

听着“天黑黑” 这首歌，完完全全诠释了我此刻的心情。
好想念爷爷奶奶，于是拨了通越洋电话给他们。
爷爷奶奶都上了年纪，爷爷听力弱，奶奶脚疼。
我对爷爷奶奶的感情是无法描绘的，是很深很深的。
今年是我第四年在外求学了，时间似乎是飘逝的，但回去的日子却怎么那么遥远呢？
第四年了，能回家的次数也逐渐减少了。
回去时，爷爷奶奶对我的影像还会是深刻的吗？
老人家对我的思念是否会逐渐模糊？
我，真的好想念他们，同时好害怕他们会把我给遗忘了。

Stress is hitting on me strongly. Its just so overwhelming. It leads me to think more of my family and friends! Especially my grandparents. They're so old now, and yet I am not at their side. I'm here, so far away from them to pursue my study which now I am having difficulties with. I have been away from them since four years ago and since then I have been spending lesser and lesser time with them. I always have a fear in me, what if they are not there anymore , or what if they're are too old to remember me when I get back the next time. I can't make the time to stand still for them, they are growing older and older each and everyday. I can only pray that I'll always in their heart, just like they'll always stay in my heart, FOREVER.

Aftermath

How many friends can we have in our life?

Real friends, friends that we really care for, and they really do care about us?

I thought I'm doing great in handling all kinds of friendship after years studying far from home, meeting people from different background and culture...

Daddy used to say that I've been too naive, always..

And I thought he's wrong about it, thinking that I've seen alot of people, people that are meant to be hi-bye friends classmate kind of friends and friends that really care about me...

But I'm wrong..

Just because people that I care have been caring and loving me back..

Just because my friends are so nice to me, each and every one of them..

I LOVE EACH ONE OF YOU

And now.. I have to admit that its really tough for me to step out of my comfort zone..

To be aware that people might have totally different perceptions and thoughts..

I have never realise that I've been putting high hopes and too much trust on others..

I have been automatically assuming that people will return same amount of love to me... 

I thought I have already got over it long time ago..

But because of a small drama, I realised that I actually had the fear planted in my heart. 

No matter how much I tried, I couldn't erase the scar left in my heart.

I came back with smile on my face, hoping for a brand new year.

I were there for you, but I guess I wasn't the person that you need.

And slowly I learnt to let it flow away with time..

Without noticing that I am still carrying the past with me..

Little did I know it has made me became insecure in friendship..
I'll just gotta say, reality is as cruel as I've been told...

But I will be strong, to face the cruelty.

I will hold on to my faith, my love, my personality, I'm not gonna bound down to the cruelty of the reality. 

I still believe that there are nice people around, just like my old friends, and I will still treat people as how I used to be..

Time is hard now, because it's time for me to learn, and to grow up.

But I will grow stronger, to be a better person.

Heart falling into pieces

When I was young, U were my biggest source of happiness and reliance. I understood that U love me alot not only through relatives that keep saying that to me with whatever tone, but its also through your actions. The way U put me in the important place in your heart, the way U hold me tight, the way U hug me, the way U cheer me up, the way U protect me. And so even at a very young age, I love U as much as U love me, and i respect and try to compromise everything U want or think its the right thing to do. I could still remember there was this incident, whereby aunty asked me whether I wanna get an ice-cream from the ice-cream cart. And before I answer anything, my first instinct was to look at U, wondering will U let me to get it. Just because I respect U, I wanna know is it okay to eat ice-cream from the ice-cream cart as I know that U don't like me to get from the ice-cream cart.

Years passed, and the relationship changed a little. Not sure whether U ever noticed even though I mentioned it to U before. I grew up a lil, but so does your expectations on me. U always said that I could not do well in this and that. And that I am too dependent. Until when U heard praises of me from outsiders. I once felt so far away from your heart, driven away by some anonymous mysterious power I would never figured out. But then again, as i grew up, I thought maybe that's just because U love me, thus U hope that I can become better and better everyday. And so I try very hard to improve myself every single day, well almost.  I opened up my heart for criticism just to learn my weaknesses and improve it. I try to face problems and solve it instead of my usual way of running from it and forgetting it after cries and hiding under my blanket. I want U to be proud of me one day, I want U to understand my love. I always wish that U could look at me through the eyes of my friends' parents, and U will know how much your lil girl have grown up and how I've turned into.

Bad things happened, which I had put in effort to change it before it's too late. But my efforts were to no avail. And it's like the whole world was blaming me due to misunderstandings, and U chose to trust me. Since then, we got closer than ever. I know that U suffered as much as I do. So I told myself that U are the most important part of me. When U are down, I know I need to do something for U, and so I comfort U, explain things to U, cheer U up, and remind U that I'm still at your side, forever. 

I thought U have changed, I thought U finally could really understand how much I love U. I know I am not good in telling my love to U, but I prove it through my actions, and at least my plans for my future. I keep reminding myself of how much have U sacrifice for me and how much love have U supplied to me. I put U as my priority in my future plans. I want to earn money, this is realistic. But that's because I want to make sure I am able to return your love as much as I could by ensuring U being able to enjoy your life after spending so much efforts on me. I know U love travelling so I wanna make sure U get to travel wherever U want and enjoy your life however U want. And of course, I would wanna love U forever. But, U just couldn't understand my plans, refusing to understand it's all for U. Everyone has a dream, so do I. I am no ordinary girl that U want, I want to be different, doing the things that I love and experiencing the difference in the world, but I am too busy in being the good girl in your mind. So i buried my dream, considering your feeling in every decision, and chose a safer career pathway because i couldn't risk it, Its too important for me to achieve my aim. But getting misunderstood by U is totally heartbreaking. U have no idea how hurt am I. Its not because I am a weak lil girl, its because U are too important for me. I just felt disappointed.

No one falls in love by choice, its by CHANCE. And no one falls out of love by chance, its CHOICE. -Anon 

Its not even a chance to love U, its fate. And i chose not to don't love U.

this is hard !

The story goes like this...
There's this little girl, trying to lead a happy life. Life had give her some challenges all the time which making her to be more independent and to take life more seriously. Sad things happened to her family and so she loves her dad more than ever. She hates to disappoint her dad. She wanna make her dad proud of her. She wanna fight for a bright future so that she can make sure her dad enjoy his life better. And so she is planning her future seriously. She got into a good uni, transfered into another uni in a foreign land to gain more experience. Considering she is graduating soon, she wanna get an internship for some working experience. Finally she got a job from a highly ranked international firm in the big city. She was so excited and thought that her dad will be proud of her. But... In the end her dad was just saying its no big deal to get a job for 2 months as she wouldn't learn something in such a short period and the job is too far away from hometown. In the end her dad tolerated by asking her to work somewhere nearer. Her dad dont want her to work when she got holiday back to hometown, as she has been spending most of her time within these 3 years away from her home to pursue her study. Although she went back whenever she got holiday but its not enough as most of the time she's not around. She is in dilemma. She thought she need to sacrifice for her future to achieve what she wants, to be able to let her dad enjoy after raising her up and be proud of her. Working in the big city will definitely gain her different and surely much more better experience. She knows her dad misses her because she also misses her dad. It's give and take, sacrificing her holiday back in hometown to be with her family or to work in the holiday for her to achieve her aim. Deciding to sacrifice the time with her beloved family is already hard, but not getting supports from the loved ones is even harder...

but if making her dad sad in the process of her trying hard for her future so that her dad can enjoy his life, it's a conflict isn't it... so she has decided not to make her dad sad in the process, because her aim afterall is to make sure her dad is always happy....

Dad i love u
Grandpa grandma, i miss u all too