Gosh this is so meaningful, it is a whole new level of love. This is the kind of interpretation that I have been searching for. The moment I read this, I know this is it, this is love. This article definitely applies to more than marriage, it's probably for everyone, you're single, in a relationship or married. Because even if it's not you, there is someone you know in a relationship that you could possibly help them out one day.
Having been married only a year and a half, I’ve recently come to the conclusion that marriage isn’t for me.
Now before you start making assumptions, keep reading.
I met my wife in high school when we were 15 years old. We were friends for ten years until…until we decided no longer wanted to be just friends. :) I strongly recommend that best friends fall in love. Good times will be had by all.
Nevertheless, falling in love with my best friend did not prevent me from having certain fears and anxieties about getting married. The nearer Kim and I approached the decision to marry, the more I was filled with a paralyzing fear. Was I ready? Was I making the right choice? Was Kim the right person to marry? Would she make me happy?
Then, one fateful night, I shared these thoughts and concerns with my dad.
Perhaps each of us have moments in our lives when it feels like time slows down or the air becomes still and everything around us seems to draw in, marking that moment as one we will never forget.
My dad giving his response to my concerns was such a moment for me. With a knowing smile he said, “Seth, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy,you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.”
It was in that very moment that I knew that Kim was the right person to marry. I realized that I wanted to make her happy; to see her smile every day, to make her laugh every day. I wanted to be a part of her family, and my family wanted her to be a part of ours. And thinking back on all the times I had seen her play with my nieces, I knew that she was the one with whom I wanted to build our own family.
My father’s advice was both shocking and revelatory. It went against the grain of today’s “Walmart philosophy”, which is if it doesn’t make you happy, you can take it back and get a new one.
No, a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can I give?”
Some time ago, my wife showed me what it means to love selflessly. For many months, my heart had been hardening with a mixture of fear and resentment. Then, after the pressure had built up to where neither of us could stand it, emotions erupted. I was callous. I was selfish.
But instead of matching my selfishness, Kim did something beyond wonderful—she showed an outpouring of love. Laying aside all of the pain and aguish I had caused her, she lovingly took me in her arms and soothed my soul.
Marriage is about family.
I realized that I had forgotten my dad’s advice. While Kim’s side of the marriage had been to love me, my side of the marriage had become all about me. This awful realization brought me to tears, and I promised my wife that I would try to be better.
To all who are reading this article—married, almost married, single, or even the sworn bachelor or bachelorette—I want you to know that marriage isn’t for you. No true relationship of love is for you. Love is about the person you love.
And, paradoxically, the more you truly love that person, the more love you receive. And not just from your significant other, but fromtheir friends and their family and thousands of others you never would have met had your love remained self-centered.
Truly, love and marriage isn’t for you. It’s for others.
This post originally appeared on ForwardWalking.com, a website dedicated to helping people move forward in life.
If you get what you hope for in the end, you deserved it because you took the leap of faith for doing it.
If you didn't get what you wish for, it's all fine because you tried and you gain the experience.
I've been introduced more deeply in this I guess since I came overseas. There's no specific thing that make me suddenly realise about it. It's not that I heard about it only recently. I'm sure everyone of us read or heard such similar quote so many times in our life. But do we really accept it deep in our heart and put it into actions? Or do we just say yes in our heart and leave it as it is?
I felt that I'm so much more open to it and doing it since I came overseas is because that I've done so many more things that I wouldn't have courage or simply not allowed to do if I were in Malaysia. I do not regret any of it, even though there are some that I failed too. Thinking about all I've done, I will not trade any of them for anything else.
In a day, I experienced two incidents that brought me extremely different feeling. I thought I had a very very bad day caused by my mistake, added up with negative support from others. On the other hand, I receive warmth through people by my side. It's nothing much, just spending quality time at home. Because we're not family in biology sense, quality time has a deeper value. So much so that I decided to not let negative event to take the hold of me. I don't think that I am a very optimistic person, but I do appreciate alot, and when I feel grateful, it means the whole world to me. It is more than enough to remove my negative energy.
On the other day, I thought I had a very bad day as well due to an argument with the boyf. We rarely have serious argument, but yea shit happens. So I was really upset. But then, once we cleared things up, I know that we're lucky to overcome shitty incident no matter what. I'm glad that whatever happened, we're still us. I'm grateful for that.
When people talk about ups and downs, it's more like some big incidents in life stages. But I guess when drastic changes happen within one day, you could feel the mini heart attack too. Those two days really got me think abit further. There might be situations that upset us, challenge us. Negative emotion is certainly unavoidable but feeling sad shouldn't be too long. Look around, look at things that you've never noticed or you've taken it for granted, then give it a chance of appreciation. It's our decision to let positive or negative emotion to take control of us. Look for the beam of sunshine that will brighten your day.
So recently I've read this very inspirational messages conveyed by a blogger (Revel in me), quoting from a motivational speaker, Julien Smith.
Below is the excerpt:
You don’t know anyone at the party, so you don’t want to go. You don’t like cottage cheese, so you haven’t eaten it in years. This is your choice, of course, but don’t kid yourself: it’s also the flinch.
Your personality is not set in stone. You may think a morning coffee is the most enjoyable thing in the world, but it’s really just a habit. Thirty days without it, and you would be fine. You think you have a soul mate, but in fact you could have had any number of spouses. You would have evolved differently, but been just as happy.
You can change what you want about yourself at any time. You see yourself as someone who can’t write or play an instrument, who gives in to temptation or makes bad decisions, but that’s really not you. It’s not ingrained. It’s not your personality. Your personality is something else, something deeper than just preferences, and these details on the surface, you can change anytime you like.
If it is useful to do so, you must abandon your identity and start again. Sometimes, it’s the only way.
Set fire to your old self. It’s not needed here. It’s too busy shopping, gossiping about others, and watching days go by and asking why you haven’t gotten as far as you’d like. This old self will die and be forgotten by all but family, and replaced by someone who makes a difference.
Your new self is not like that. Your new self is the Great Chicago Fire—overwhelming, overpowering, and destroying everything that isn’t necessary.
I personally find it very powerful. Reminded me of the topic of limitless preached by Planetshaker's pastor last week. Being a non-Christian, I am trying to adapt the teachings and incorporate it into my life, instead of believing it through Jesus, or ignoring it just because of religion difference.
Indeed, we should live our life borderless. We should go as far as we can, instead of just accepting who we think we are not, because of past disappointment or just simply due to lack of efforts. We won't know what lies in front for us, if we don't step forward. Afterall, there is no harm going beyond our current lifestyle. If there is anything, its experience.
I've decide that I'm gonna push myself harder in everything that i try, not giving up just yet =)
What do you think of your current life? When you sit down beside a window, sipping a cup of freshly brewed coffee, staring outside the window (I'm trying to create a nice atmosphere), reflecting back everything that happened in our life, do you feel that everything seemed fated? Well at least my friend and I have this same feeling. For example, if we didn't come to Adelaide to study, we wouldn't have met all the people around us now, we would have been having our unrelated life separately. Honestly, nowadays even if we're staying in the same neighbourhood, we might not even know about each other. But that doesn't mean that we should just leave everything to fate. Instead I believe that we should do our best in everything, and things will work out in the end. That is because apparently no matter what decision we made, life still goes on, the only thing that possibly get affected is just that we might be experiencing different challenges and experiences in our life. That's all, no big deal right?
I feel that it's actually very torturing waiting for result, but I am trying my best not to think about it since there's nothing more I can do for now. The only thing I've been doing these days are catching up with friends that I have not been in contact that frequent due to the hectic course structure. It's really nice hanging out with them and getting closer with them. And also my old friends, oh I can't wait to go back to catch up with you guys!!!
" See the way we ride in our private lives,
ain't nobody getting in between "
Seriously, I dislike the fact that woman have to have period every month. It is inconvenient plus uncomfortable at times. The only reason that I don't hate it is because of its ability to be pregnant. God knows how much I love baby lol. I don't normally have menstrual cramp in the past, but it started these few years, probably due to my not-so-good lifestyle since I left my home. So I googled up some remedies other thank taking pain killer pills, hopefully they're useful:
Reduce caffeine intake during those time and quit smoking around that time. Also lessen your alcohol intake. Excessive consumption of refined sugar has also proved to alleviate PMS. Oh and indulge in some exercise, not strenuous hard hitting routines, but gentler aerobic exercises. You could also try massaging your abdomen gently. (source)
Probably not gonna work on me, I love coffee, like that how to reduce caffeine??
Place microwavable warm pack or a heating pad placed on your abdomen (lower belly) may help. Soaking in a warm bath may also relieve uncomfortable cramps. Some teens find that increasing their physical activity helps; others find that resting quietly for short periods of time helps. (source)
I always rub my hands until warm and place it on my abdomen, now I'm thinking heating pad would actually really help. Okay, will get one soon =)
I had the worst day ever during my previous period, most serious menstrual cramp ever. I just suddenly felt so weak, no energy and pale. I vomited and don't even have energy to walk. Stopped walking after 5 steps and took forever to walk the few steps that I would normally just take seconds. It was so horrible I will not forget that awful feeling. And I have to admit that I am a lucky girl. Baozhen was so shocked looking at me falling so weak. He eventually piggback me all the way back to hostel. Ah I don't know what would happen without him. When I was young, I have my dad to piggyback and pamper me, and now, I have baozhen. =)
Wish that I'll have enough good luck to be as happy as this old couple =P
Read a very meaningful blogpost written by a blogger on her 1 year weeding anniversary about relationship. She is so in love and cherish her relationship with her husband so much that she keeps being a better wife. Those little things that couple will most probably neglect few years down the relationship makes her a wonderful wife. Have a read on her experience and advises below, you'll gain a lot from it :
I saw a lot of what I didn't want in a marriage before I even got married, so I was determined to apply simple things to my own one day. What I have come to value and learn the most so far is that you have to create the atmosphere of unconditional thankfulness and love, and not for one day take for granted that this person decidedto spend their life with you. And I don’t even mean that in the fairy tale cliché way. In real life it's not always in the mushy gushy love notes, gifts, goo goo eyes, and dates nights. That is romance, and while very important, the core heartbeat of the partnership is in the everyday routines and communication. The unconditional love can come from just how you react to someone when they come in the door. Understanding is an action expression of love. I try to remember to take into account the day that he had, what’s on his mind, what he might want to do to unwind and refresh for a second. Its human nature to be like: well, what about MY day and what about what I need and what I want to do?Marriage isn’t about you. When you create an atmosphere of putting them first, its only a matter of time before they do the same because they appreciate what they have experienced from you. Might take some time of pouring into that atmosphere being built, and everything might not always be "perfectly even steven" but when two people really make an effort to put each other first (well God first of course, but you know what I mean) then both are taken care of instead of competing and keeping score about who does more or needs more. Cause that's no fun, we definitely didn't want that. Unconditional thankfulness can come from the tone and attitude of how you talk to each other too. Creating an atmosphere where your spouse feels comfortable telling you things about their day, their thoughts, or being honest without an argument starting, getting jumped at, or feeling judged and demeaned is key. Saying “thank you” and showing our appreciation once they do something we asked them to take care of, instead of reminding them how long it took them to do it with a sarcastic thank you, is something so simple but can change shift the atmosphere to remaining positive and empowering. An attitude of entitlement is the quickest way to kill an atmosphere of thankfulness. We are their wife, not their mother or boss. I never wanted my husband to feel like he needed a break from me. Anything they do for us should be appreciated and thanked, even if it’s something you think they should do… a real thank you doesn’t hurt anybody and it will allow the spouse to feel empowered to enjoy taking care of things. I know I enjoy cooking or making sure to get his favorites things at the grocery store when I know he notices and says thank you, and means it. Instead of just acting like because I’m the wife, I should cook and do all the food shopping...We decided even before we got married, we would always talk to each other like Jesus himself was standing right behind the other person. Just imagine Jesus looking over your spouses shoulder at you when you're talking. Sounds almost a little funny BUT let me tell you, it creates an applicable standard ofcommunicating in love.Marriage is about building the other person up and being in position to carry out what God wanted to accomplish through you both coming together. Is it always perfect? No, but when you have 1000% open communication and thankfulness for each other, what could've turned into a “rough patch” can instead just be a “good relationship building discussion.” And then you move on to enjoying other... and making goo goo eyes ;)
Oh people! Despite this cruel world, I am still insisting on the good personality/attitude one should have. Without doubt, not everyone believe in what I believe. There are people that agree, some neutral, while some believe in erm nothing? Maybe I am too stubborn to give it up or I'm still waiting for tougher challenges to change my perception, but I doubt I will, I am the kind that will insist my principles if I have own stand on something. One basic thing, be RESPONSIBLE! Well you can be irresponsible but I'm pretty sure this kind of people will not live an awesome life. Simply because there are so many things in life that you'll need responsibility to work it out. Some you can be irresponsible of, but I'm sure there are some responsibility that you just couldn't jump over it.
Finally watched SMURF!!! in 3D somemore lol but that's because we won the 3D passes given out by Rundle Mall Management Team. Super lucky, there's only 20 passes available! I love smurfs simply because they're too cute too resist. However I thought it would just be another cartoon show, but it turns out to be so great. I guess it's because they incorporate great values in the story. Two very important values:
1 - Family is the most important, never leave your family. 2 - Think positively, from another perception. take a step back and think about the bad thing that happened to you, it is actually a chance for you to learn something from it. Just like how Grace convinced Patrick to looked back at the arrival of the Smurfs as a once in a life time experience despite they sorta messed up Patrick's job in between. It's a once in a blue moon incident indeed.
Gotta admit, I am never an activist, not even someone that can tell you the full story of any political issue, not even a tiny one. But since the spread of Bersih 2.0, I am so aware, so much attracted to find out more about everything related to it.
Some simple facts about Bersih 2.0 :
1. Its also known as The Coalition of Clean and Fair Elections
2. First public demonstration was on November 2007.
3. Latest demonstration was on 9July 2011.
4. Calls include:
- Clean the electoral roll
- Reform postal ballot
- Use of indelible ink
- Minimum 21 days campaign period
- Free and fair access to media
- Strengthen public institutions
- Stop corruption
- Stop dirty politics
Honestly, I am so impressed and proud of every single individual that attended the rally, they teached me a very valuable lesson. We, Malaysians can still be so united, helping out each other, despite the dirty politics. Their acts have shown great moral values in them to serve the same aim (Bersih 2.0 calls), treating each other as a family across the differences of race and language. Just like any other Malaysian, I know that the politics in Malaysia is just not that fair, same goes to the history in Malaysia. And thus I am slightly bias/ racist. But the videos I've watched, articles I read recently, just prove me wrong. This is also the reason why the Bersih 2.0 has such a huge impact on me, like totally crushed me down. I have been watching lotsa videos and photos and articles that my friends posted/linked to. And I cried, yes I literally cried! I am so touched and proud! They fought for us, for every single Malaysian! If you feel nothing, you are totally heartless! You are someone's child, or maybe someone's siblings, someone's boyfriend/girlfriend, or someone's parents, and so are they! They are someone's loved ones, but they are there, fighting for all of us. Not to mention that there were even old people that went all the way to KL, some went alone, and ended up being drenched wet!
This video below shows some of the clips combined together, showing the rally from different areas. In Australia, they held their rally in front of parliament house, walk along the busiest street, so what? We have freedom of speech, freedom to act! But through this video, Malaysians were attacked by tear gas and water cannons for a peaceful rally! Worse off, the people don't have any weapon on them, or do you wanna call their water bottle as their weapons? I felt so ashamed on the government and police, do the people deserved such treatments? Since young, we've been told that police will protect the citizens, police will help the weak, police is always the good guys. Well, how true is it?
And after all the incidents that happened during the rally, guess what? Newspaper are controlled by the government to report it with a whole new storyline!
For those that don't read Chinese words, its written "The governement had decided to provide the stadium for the peaceful rally, however the offer was rejected. This obviously shows that they intend to strike on the streets in order to attract attention of others, giving other country the impression that our government is unstable, and that the authority is treating them violently".
What nonsense is this? As far as I am concerned, no permit was given to them, and that is why they held the peaceful rally on the street.
Just wait.. Not everyone is gonna be fooled by such stupid and fake reports. The world knows what is happening. And importantly the peaceful rally had brought up all our spirits and love to our home country.
Blackie and Fan Fan has been such an amazing pair of couples. Fan Fan is such a special lady, a cheerful lady that always bring pure happiness and reminder of human kindess through her songs. I can totally feel that she is such an unpolluted person, like an angel from heaven. I guess Blackie just made her life more fun with his jokes and all. Undeniably he also have a kind heart by helping people around him and also with all sorts of charity. They created LOVE LIFE (L2) project. It's a project of contributing profit from selling shirt to "93儿童病房" to help children that are suffering from cancer.
It never got me stop having new thoughts about it as I grow up.
I wonder how many stages are there for a friendship to be forever.
Though people used to say friendship forever, how many friendships that are really true, intimate and strong that lasts for life?
As a kid till grown up to a teenager in secondary school, friends are people around you that are meet you almost everyday in school and tuition. They chat with you about your homework, sports, and hobby, discuss about our confessions and our dreams.We laugh and cry together. Even anger won't last for 10 freaking minutes. Everything seems so naturally well.
When its the time to go college and university, we start meeting new friends, which is an eye opener to different values people hold, especially if you study at outstation which means totally different growing environment. We started to have groupies and choose to mix with people of similar interests. Rumours are just daily dose of vitamins. Then we realise how important to have friends that have grew up together in the same environment, the bunch of people that always share similar values, boundaries and thoughts. They are The Friends that understand you the best and will always be there for you. Others, they came in our life and walk away. Even you're once close, after some time, they just moved on when they meet people which they feel its more fun to hang out with. Of course, there are also people that came in during our college/ uni life that just get close to somehow, becoming part of the group of The Friend and hopefully they will continue to stay in my life =)
I think I've been pretty good towards friends, I wouldn't really get angry to my friends. Not that I could remember of, but yes once last year, its actually more of disappointment instead, which I've let it go. People who know me well will know that I treat my friends with all my heart and soul. I don't really hope to get the same return because I am just being who I am, its not to have the same attitude of how the way others treat me. Because I believe everyone have different boundaries and thoughts on friendship, so its just a loving-people-that-I-wanna-love attitude, not an equal give and take. Well I have my boundaries too, afterall I'm not Mother Theresa. Feeling that slight disappointment again recently. It's not because you've done anything wrong to me, its just that I thought you are able to be responsible enough for your actions and the way you mix with people that you've chose to mix with recently. Am I putting too high expectation on you? In the end, its just my feeling, you might feel that there's no problem with it. It might be just me, with my conservative mind.
Somehow, I figured that a friendship is pretty similar with the stages of a relationship in some way.
Sometimes we just need to make changes, changes to make things better, changes that make us better.
Even though its hard, we just gotta slowly take it on and believe in ourselves.
Regardless of the hurdles, it just takes faith to overcome it.
While changing, the one thing that should never change is to love ourselves and be positive.
And the positive energy will lead us to the suitable direction.
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.
By Dennis B. Kimbro
this is so true!!!
I always have super alot of emotions or sound effects when talking!!! Lol
Okay obviously the quote is not this shallow but its still a good example right? XP
There are things that somehow just happen to us without any causation. As small as u found a phone or fell down or as serious as smth happen to ur friends or family.. err thats the worst thing that i can ever imagine cz i love my family and friends so much hehe
But yea it actually depends on us as in how we manage it. Are we gonna just cry and do nothing or try to fix the problem. Well, its okay to cry if u feel to, i always tend to cry or sleep when i am super down =.= , i will definitely feel much more better after that. but in the end and the most important part is to stand up and solve the problem. Okay i mean at least we try to kill it although sometimes we might fail and it will just run away with injuries wth.. I mean its life, we cant always get what we want but at least we tried and therefore no regrets =)
Conclusion, imma study hard noatter how hard the exam gonna be!!! I wanna be a good daughter =) love u daddy.. I know this is random
i think i officially realize which type of ppl that make me quite hard to handle
or should i say among the 5% of ppl that i don't love/ care but able to trigger my emotion why so?
because the ppl that i love or care, they could affect me to be happy or sad or any kind of emotion
and those that i don't, i would't be affected by them
and the 5% are:
1) ppl that are irresponsible
i seriously don't care how your family pamper u, treat u as princess or whatsoever
i am not ur family that love u blindly
so please be responsible for urself and others
2) ppl that like to/ frequently spend other's $$
don't u get nightmares for it
please put yourself in someone else's shoes
for these 2 kind of ppl:
well done
u all are among the rare 5% people in my life WOW congrates!
What's in the mind of an old couple? What do they feel to each other?
Do they hold hand with the sweet feeling as when they're young or just because of normal routinized actions? By that time, does it still matter? Whether the passion is still there, or it's more of the "family" caring over "couple" dating feeling.
By the time, after all the years that passed by, all the experiences that they got through together, all the memories embedded in heart and soul, what's still important?
Life is so fragile, with all the uncertainties we face in our lives. Think of the natural disaster, think of the wars, think of the diseases. Despite all of these, it's even harder to maintain a relationship until u get together till old. Think of the different attitude of each person, think of jealousy, think of long distance, think of the changing environment, think of the divorcing rate.
I guess it's very hard to find/be an old couple
Perhaps if one day, and u and ur partner could get together till old, it's gonna be the greatest blessing to u n ur partner
Perhaps it takes really alot of toleration and challenges to get there
