what is love?

Gosh this is so meaningful, it is a whole new level of love. This is the kind of interpretation that I have been searching for. The moment I read this, I know this is it, this is love. This article definitely applies to more than marriage, it's probably for everyone, you're single, in a relationship or married. Because even if it's not you, there is someone you know in a relationship that you could possibly help them out one day.

Marriage Isn’t For You

Seth Adam Smith / 6 days ago

Kim and I

Having been married only a year and a half, I’ve recently come to the conclusion that marriage isn’t for me.

Now before you start making assumptions, keep reading.

I met my wife in high school when we were 15 years old. We were friends for ten years until…until we decided no longer wanted to be just friends. :) I strongly recommend that best friends fall in love. Good times will be had by all.

Nevertheless, falling in love with my best friend did not prevent me from having certain fears and anxieties about getting married. The nearer Kim and I approached the decision to marry, the more I was filled with a paralyzing fear. Was I ready? Was I making the right choice? Was Kim the right person to marry? Would she make me happy?

Then, one fateful night, I shared these thoughts and concerns with my dad.

Perhaps each of us have moments in our lives when it feels like time slows down or the air becomes still and everything around us seems to draw in, marking that moment as one we will never forget.

My dad giving his response to my concerns was such a moment for me. With a knowing smile he said, “Seth, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.”

It was in that very moment that I knew that Kim was the right person to marry. I realized that I wanted to make her happy; to see her smile every day, to make her laugh every day. I wanted to be a part of her family, and my family wanted her to be a part of ours. And thinking back on all the times I had seen her play with my nieces, I knew that she was the one with whom I wanted to build our own family.

My father’s advice was both shocking and revelatory. It went against the grain of today’s “Walmart philosophy”, which is if it doesn’t make you happy, you can take it back and get a new one.

No, a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can I give?”

Some time ago, my wife showed me what it means to love selflessly. For many months, my heart had been hardening with a mixture of fear and resentment. Then, after the pressure had built up to where neither of us could stand it, emotions erupted. I was callous. I was selfish.

But instead of matching my selfishness, Kim did something beyond wonderful—she showed an outpouring of love. Laying aside all of the pain and aguish I had caused her, she lovingly took me in her arms and soothed my soul.

Marriage is about family.

I realized that I had forgotten my dad’s advice. While Kim’s side of the marriage had been to love me, my side of the marriage had become all about me. This awful realization brought me to tears, and I promised my wife that I would try to be better.

To all who are reading this article—married, almost married, single, or even the sworn bachelor or bachelorette—I want you to know that marriage isn’t for you. No true relationship of love is for you. Love is about the person you love.

And, paradoxically, the more you truly love that person, the more love you receive. And not just from your significant other, but from their friends and their family and thousands of others you never would have met had your love remained self-centered.

Truly, love and marriage isn’t for you. It’s for others.

This post originally appeared on ForwardWalking.com, a website dedicated to helping people move forward in life. 

what makes you afraid?

At least now I know what I'm really afraid of.
I'm afraid of losing people.
Not ordinary friend.
A best friend.
A soulmate.
A person I hold so closely to my heart.

I do not know that if I work hard enough, it will be fine.
I do not know how far could I go down this route.
I do not know how much I could sacrifice.

I'm scared.
I'm devastated by the possibility of losing you.
I'm weakened by the existent of this possibility.

Birthday in September

Officially a year older now, and wiser I hope heh... It actually don't hit on me much, everyone grows older anyway. 

I was given the freedom to choose my birthday gift from bf although he wanted to get me a Pandora. I have been thinking of other choices but eventually I couldn't come out with a thing that both of us agreed on. So we went in Pandora to check out a day before my birthday. And surprise surprise we got a Pandora bracelet and charms on the spot, and a sparkling love shaped charm from Elaine! I wasn't prepared to get it on the spot but somehow it happened. Grateful for the gorgeous gift.

On the actual date, there was a special "One day Shopping Sales" at Melbourne Central. How lucky eh?  So we have to be at the mall early.. And..And... that's when I got my flowers delivered to my doorstep by bf <3 a="" enough="" inside="" is="" joke="" lololol="" love="" major="" once="" p="" year="">

To make it more fun, we joined the competition held in accordance of the event, which explains spamming pictures on our Instagrams lol...  Unfortunately non of us won it but we had so much fun running around the mall for treasure hunt! I have never joined any such competition in a mall, a very special memory indeed. This was actually the second competition, there were a limit number of participants for the first game which we didn't get to join and changed the plan to breakfast at Pancake Parlour. 

After the game we went for shopping spree! So many offers at all the shops! Some are really cheap and worthy. Most of the stores have 20-30% off. It was then that I bought a pair of sneakers from Vans. Oh I don't shop for sneakers, really. But I have been wanting one pair to be on my shoe rack, ya' know, sometimes to change a little! Here's a picture of us in a slightly different style, trying on the caps in Vans store.

We shopped from the morning till evening @.@ Due to some delay at the queue to get in fitting room I would say, not sure if it even qualifies as an excuse lol But we got so tired of walking by the end of the day. Good thing that I stay so near by don't need to walk a far distant to get back to home. It was a full on fun filled and adventurous birthday.

We ended our day by going for a steak restaurant called City Grill Room. I am having this major major love for steak especially this year! And this is by far the best, most tender, right to the degree kind of steak! I am so gonna go back if I have the chance! I love my rib-eye on bone so much!

Rib-eye

Scotch

Now I have to backdate to about 5 days before. I had an advanced mini cupcake surprise session at home. Main reason being bf's brother was here travelling and another housemate of mine is travelling back home town  during my birthday. I am contented having them to share the joy with me.

On a side note, I miss my friends back home that would always celebrate it with me as well! Grateful that even all of us are thousand miles apart, you guys still put in effort to send your wishes accross! At the bright side, my relatives are coming over for a week in November! 2 more months :)

wine-tasting

Had a short escape to Adelaide last Thursday.  It was a great trip, a short but definitely fun trip. At least I managed to let loose of exam tension for a little while. It was boyf's graduation. Also graduation of my friends. I'm a proud girlf, and friend :) 

Taking advantage of the graduation trip, we rented a car and drove to Barossa Valley for a wine tasting trip with his parents.  Of course, a breakfast stop before leaving the city. I didn't want to go back to the usual breakfast place, so we decided to try out a cafe on Rundle street. And when we reached there, we realised that there's actually another cafe nearby that has more customers and even nicer ambiance. Guessing that it's better, we stepped in and we like it. It's called Hey Jupiter by the way. It's located at 11 Ebenezer Place
Adelaide, South Australia 5000.

They use 5 Senses coffee beans for their coffee. Part of the reason I like it- pink saucer for my flat white hahaha

They have this baked egg, with pancetta, mushrooms, mashed potato  It is pretty yummy, especially the pancetta, which made it extra tasty. It costs $14 or you could trade it with smoked salmon with extra $2.50. Definitely worth trying.

Finished feeding our tummy, and here we go!!! It took us about an hour drive to reach our first destination- The Whispering Wall. It's actually an abandoned reservoir. Standing at one end, you could actually hear very clearly what is the person at the other end speaking, even if they speak softly. Theory of sound-wave, I guess?

Cute family. W for Whispering Wall lol

Next, to the vine yards and cellar doors. Our route that day was Jacob's Creek, St Hallett, Grant Burge, Rockford and finally Penfolds. We made it to 5 cellar doors before I catch my flight back to Melbourne in the evening of the very same day.

Jacob's Creek

St Hallett

Some of their wines are limited at their own cellar doors only. One of them is their Moscato. It is pretty smooth with moderate sweetness, very much to my liking. It is not as sweet as the one from Jacob's Creek.

Grant Burge

Rockford

Rockford also sells varieties of jam and mustard dips. Taste them with the bread pieces provided. I ended up buying quince jam and dried apricot & passionfruit jam for my housemates.

Penfolds

And now, I'm back in Melbourne, preparing for my upcoming exam which is in a week's time! Great, stress-ing out now! Can't wait for my next trip with my own family in end of May. <3 p="">

Oh Hai again

Great! I've been ditching my diary blog for so many months now!

Ever since I was back in Malaysia actually. And now I'm back to Aus, hoping for a better future. Which is exactly the time that I have more thoughts.

During the two and a half month back in Malaysia, what happened?! To me, there's seriously just two things that happen, grandpa fell sick out of no reason, and then grandma got stroke. Well, of course I had other things going on life a spontaneous trip with dad to Krabi, short trip with le bf and xiu bao to penang, and of course Chinese New Year celebration with family and friends. But I missed out on travelling around Malaysia, especially Johor and Langkawi. All these got brushed off due to my responsibility of being a granddaughter.

So grandpa was so weak the first two weeks I was back, then grandma got stroke, sent to ICU, stayed for 2 weeks, got transferred to normal ward and stay for further 2 weeks. Grandpa somehow amazingly recovered, perhaps due to better nutrition intake. Grandma has always been a relatively negative person as far as I know. Thus, I have been at her side almost every single day since she got hospitalised. As much as I care and love her, it got really tiring at times. It would be better if it's normal sickness. But whole left side of her body can't respond, can't move. She can't sit up, she can't flip body, can't get down of bed. We have to flip her when she doesn't feel comfortable sleeping with her sleeping posture. And also because to avoid her skin got damped and thus initiate rotting. She sleeps alot in hospital, which is not a very good thing as she's not moving at all most of the time. We would exercise and massage her hand and leg. After she got dehospitalised, she's sleeping lesser but she's even more emotional, often crying for very minor incidents.

Because of stroke attack, her mind got affected as well. She's way more emotional, way more negative, way more sensitive. Apart of taking care of her body, we have to cheer her up mentally too, show her more love so that she thinks positively and hopefully help her in recovering process.At least now she's back home, safe and sound. Now that I'm back to Aus, I can't do much. But I wish she understand my hope for her, to cheer up and trust in herself to recover.

My grandparents wearing new tops I got for them for Chinese New Year. Ahh we're so matching in red!

Life back here is always exciting, not totally in a happy way, but I guess that's how life is. There's always the great and enjoyable part yet there'll always be something of uncertain nature that create a negative part.  Really really glad that le bf is staying in the same city as me now. Now that he's here, we could meet as often as we wish. I've almost forgotten how great is the feeling that I know for sure he could be physically by my side whenever I need him. And also great time spent with housemates. Gosh after two and a half months! It still feel so awesome spending time doing random things or having some facing-reality chat with the girls. I'm feeling so lucky and grateful now, just with these three important person with me here, to face my challenges. One of the biggest challenges, job hunting. All I can do is just to continue to search and search until a company appreciates what I could offer. Some people say its timing, some people say it's luck. No matter what it is, I hope it's coming soon.

Dear God, please pull me through it.

celebration for 22 years of life

日子一天一天，就这样流逝了。
又过了一年。回想起这一年，除了读书，就是吃喝玩乐。
多愉悦啊，相较于现在，好怀念去年。
但我心底懂，无论如何，都该珍惜当下。
是的，至少遇到了些值得珍惜的情谊。
还有，经历了这新环境所带来的一切，好的与坏的。
说实在的，觉得2012年还真不是很容易。

撇开日常的不如意，今年生日还是很开心地度过了。
今年，有他，有多年的好朋友黄秀宝小姐，和今年刚熟但很要好的朋友们一起庆祝。
还有家人的祝福。爸好像很多年都忘了主动祝我，但今年却记得了，还真让我蛮感动的。
现在还真想家了。
很感激身边的人们，很幸运遇到了你们。
感恩。


With my love for beach, a picnic at the beach it is! =D

candid shot by Elaine

 Made all the food hehe.Different types of sushi, sandwiches, potato salad, and fruit mix which we didn't have time/stomach to eat in the end lol.

happy us! Always love group photo =)

yiann and elaine

Was still sick on that day therefore didn't manage to capture more photos. I was taking a nap while the girls are all having fun posing in front of camera lol.

Went for special dinner at Nobu in Crown at night, a really awesome one. Pretty expensive too, each main costs around AUD30-40. We had 3 mains and a dessert. So yummy thus must bring in all the picture so that I remember them the next time I flip back to this birthday post. Thanks B!

Black cod

soft shell crab with kiwi salsa

wagyu beef gyoza

dessert bento - matcha ice cream and chocolate fondant

Supposed to meet the girls at home after dinner and continue for gelato at Freddo's. But! This was what welcomed me. Balloons and cake - a little surprise party =D Thank you so much for all the details people.

And when I was happily done cutting cake and finding for my water bottle, this was what awaiting me in my bedroom. More balloons... and presents!!! Balloons never fail to excite me, what's more with presents in the middle of them!

with bff 

Really feel so blessed to have you guys. Sincerely, appreciate every things from you guys. We were strangers before we met, and now, look at us, we are so close. 

NOOOO that's not all because all those happened on 02/09/12, before my birthday because that's the only date that bao bao and him are both here and only day that yiann don't have test when they're here. So on the exact birthdate, I went for lunch with the girls. Wanted to go for crepe at first as it has been a while since we have it. I meant savoury crepe, not those fruits type. Not sure where to get it back in Malaysia, I never had it in Malaysia actually. But the savoury crepe here has ham, cheese, egg etc. When we reached the restaurant, it was closed! Closed for one week, according to the notice sticked on the door. So we went to the restaurant directly opposite it, called Campari House. None of us ate there before, but I spotted "squid ink fettuccine" on their specials! Have been reading good review about squid ink pasta from bloggers in Malaysia =) Have been longing for it since, how lucky am I to get to try it on my birthday! The squid ink fettuccine was served with bug tail and topped with lobster cream! It was so yummy, the whole plate was just full of seafood flavour! But the portion was quite small, I couldn't get enough of it haha the photo below doesn't justify the size of the portion because I took such a close shot of it. It costs AUD28 but the ingredients used are really good. Wonder what do they serve with squid ink pasta in Malaysia. We also ordered salmon with spicy tomato sauce and pesto. It was good too but it's no beating squid ink pasta haha bias to the max!

Then Elaine and I headed to Le Petite Gateau for tea time. They have a selection of cakes on display, probably around 8 for us to choose from. I had a piece of black forest while she got a baked custard tart. The blackforest was really good. strong liqueur mousse on the top layer, then thin chocolate sponge followed by cream and cherry, lastly another layer of firm chocolate sponge. The cherry for deco on top of the cake tasted like plum and quite liqueur-ish actually. A rather small piece of cake for the price of $8.50 but the taste was real good.

This is our view, looking inside of their baking work place. Can see that they are enjoying their work very much. Made me think of how I should be enjoying what I do, or actually do what I enjoy?

L.O.V.E.

Read a very meaningful blogpost written by a blogger on her 1 year weeding anniversary about relationship. She is so in love and cherish her relationship with her husband so much that she keeps being a better wife. Those little things that couple will most probably neglect few years down the relationship makes her a wonderful wife. Have a read on her experience and advises below, you'll gain a lot from it :

I saw a lot of what I didn't want in a marriage before I even got married, so I was determined to apply simple things to my own one day. What I have come to value and learn the most so far is that you have to create the atmosphere of unconditional thankfulness and love, and not for one day take for granted that this person decided to spend their life with you. And I don’t even mean that in the fairy tale cliché way. In real life it's not always in the mushy gushy love notes, gifts, goo goo eyes, and dates nights. That is romance, and while very important, the core heartbeat of the partnership is in the everyday routines and communication.
The unconditional love can come from just how you react to someone when they come in the door. Understanding is an action expression of love. I try to remember to take into account the day that he had, what’s on his mind, what he might want to do to unwind and refresh for a second. Its human nature to be like: well, what about MY day and what about what I need and what I want to do? Marriage isn’t about you. When you create an atmosphere of putting them first, its only a matter of time before they do the same because they appreciate what they have experienced from you. Might take some time of pouring into that atmosphere being built, and everything might not always be "perfectly even steven" but when two people really make an effort to put each other first (well God first of course, but you know what I mean) then both are taken care of instead of competing and keeping score about who does more or needs more. Cause that's no fun, we definitely didn't want that. Unconditional thankfulness can come from the tone and attitude of how you talk to each other too. Creating an atmosphere where your spouse feels comfortable telling you things about their day, their thoughts, or being honest without an argument starting, getting jumped at, or feeling judged and demeaned is key. Saying “thank you” and showing our appreciation once they do something we asked them to take care of, instead of reminding them how long it took them to do it with a sarcastic thank you, is something so simple but can change shift the atmosphere to remaining positive and empowering. An attitude of entitlement is the quickest way to kill an atmosphere of thankfulness.
We are their wife, not their mother or boss. I never wanted my husband to feel like he needed a break from me. Anything they do for us should be appreciated and thanked, even if it’s something you think they should do… a real thank you doesn’t hurt anybody and it will allow the spouse to feel empowered to enjoy taking care of things. I know I enjoy cooking or making sure to get his favorites things at the grocery store when I know he notices and says thank you, and means it. Instead of just acting like because I’m the wife, I should cook and do all the food shopping...We decided even before we got married, we would always talk to each other like Jesus himself was standing right behind the other person. Just imagine Jesus looking over your spouses shoulder at you when you're talking. Sounds almost a little funny BUT let me tell you, it creates an applicable standard ofcommunicating in love. Marriage is about building the other person up and being in position to carry out what God wanted to accomplish through you both coming together. Is it always perfect? No, but when you have 1000% open communication and thankfulness for each other, what could've turned into a  “rough patch” can instead just be a “good relationship building discussion.” And then you move on to enjoying other... and making goo goo eyes ;)

Pink 21st

I'm now officially a lady, a 21 years old lady. Wow its already that long 0.0 21 years! And judging by the years that passed, my life has been really well, some small hurdles, a big rock on my pathway, but hey, that's all. Apart from all those, I really enjoyed my life to the maximum. 

From a naughty and super stubborn little girl, I am now grown up, being able to improve myself. I am still learning, to be a better daughter, a better sister, a better person. I appreciate everyone that entered my life, whether you are still staying here with me, or have left me. At least you were part of my life. Every single thing in my life is important, or else I would not be who I am now. 

Daddy, I know you have been having a hard time all this while. I understand, I really do. You are the greatest dad in the world. No matter what had happened, I love you, like how you love me.

Mum, thanks for raising me. I might not be the child that's easy to raise up, but I know you raised me up well, teaching me lots of knowledge. 

Bro, still remember we always argue over small stuffs since young. And we even fought before lol. Oh well that's how we "communicate" when we were young. I know things weren't easy for you too, but I'm always here for you. I hope that you will grow up being an independent, tough, and thankful person.

All friends of mine, thanks for everything, every single thing that you have done for me, that you have spoken to me. You all are my power to be strong. Friends that are far away from me, I miss you all, all the time. I wish you all well. And I will see you all soon. Friends that are here with me in this foreign land, thanks for everything, all the fun and all the surprises. Most importantly, all the love!

Look at all the love !!!

Now you know why is it called pink 21st. Pink table cloth, pink plates, pink cups, pink spoons, pink knifes, and pink serviettes!!! SO PINK! but I like hehe =P

and all the cola related candy 0.0 & mystery gift

Tiffany & Co, and flowers <3 <3 <3

All the photos above were taken from the celebration for the first night. Yeap they celebrated for me for two nights =) The second night, we went to eat steamboat at Ming's Steamboat at Morphett street. Its actually really yummy! They have 3 sauces, one that's salty, and then the middle one is peanut sauce, and then dried chilli sauce. But only the chilli one is nice, no joke.

Cake cutting session after steamboat =D One of my favourite - Tiramisu